


Busted and Blue

by nygmobblepot_prince



Category: Gorillaz
Genre: (brief mention of other phases), Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Jealousy, M/M, Mutual Pining, Phase Four (Gorillaz), au where everything is not horrible and murdoc is trying his best, lmao dont hate me, my first 2doc fic, this will get easier to tag as i post more
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-28
Updated: 2017-04-30
Packaged: 2018-10-25 02:57:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10755306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nygmobblepot_prince/pseuds/nygmobblepot_prince
Summary: An extremely self-indulgent Murdoc/2doc redemption fic.Murdoc, leader and visionary of Gorillaz, is finally getting his act together. After years of abuse brought on by his alcohol addiction, he realizes that maybe his interpretation of his feelings for the singer are all wrong. The question is, why isn't 2D noticing the change in behavior, and how can he get him to see that he's trying to be better just for him?





	1. Murdoc

Where does it come from?  
When everything was outside  
Busted and blue  
...

He was trying. He was really trying.

The thought of hurting 2D, of seeing genuine fear in those black-hole eyes, made Murdoc want to throw up. And yet he had hurt him so many times.

Memories of the past abuse were hazy and blurred, most of it had occurred while Murdoc was drunk out of his mind. Unfortunately, it seemed that Murdoc was drunk out of his mind most of the time. At least in those days.

But he was trying, goddamnit.

What pissed Murdoc off the most was that the very person he was doing all of this for didn’t even seem to notice. He wouldn’t come home completely wasted as frequently anymore, he rarely hit 2D and while he still sometimes yelled, he had managed to keep it to a minimum.

It was hard, almost impossible, to admit that Murdoc hadn’t just been thinking about 2D’s pretty-boy looks in the context of the band, for girls to flock around him or for him to be the cute poster-boy of Gorillaz. Ever since the day Stuart Pot had come crashing through Murdoc’s windshield, skidding half a mile on the pavement and gaining his iconic nickname, Murdoc found it hard to imagine what life would be like without him. 2D stuck around, even after Murdoc’s constant abuse, even after he’d kidnapped Russel, even after he’d gassed him and brought him to the Plastic Beach. Murdoc had just played it off, in his narcissism, as 2D being a complete dimwit and needing him. But 2D could fight back, sometimes he did; so why was it that he had stayed?

Murdoc could have bashed the azure-haired boy’s face into the wall for ignoring him, even now, as he stared at the back of his head from the couch absentmindedly. But he didn’t, he couldn’t, because then he wouldn’t be himself anymore. Drunk Murdoc was a persona, a defense, a wall between himself and his emotions. He had been so determined to drown his feelings in alcohol that he’d hardly noticed the effects it had on the other band members, on 2D.

Yes, it had taken Murdoc this long, but after a few days of being locked in his room, sober, with nothing but a pencil and notebook in hand, he had finally come to a conclusion. 2D, designated singer and pretty-boy of his band, their band, also happened to be the object of his affections. He’d spent hours analyzing, self-reflecting, making up for all of the time he had lost to drugs and alcohol. Only when 2D had opened the door to ask if he was okay, and commented that he was looking better, soberer, did Murdoc realize what was going on in his head. In an attempt to play it down, he shouted at the younger man, “Get out, Face-ache!” and instantly regretted it as he saw 2D’s expression melt and his arms fall to his sides. He muttered a simple “Sorry, Muds” and left.

Murdoc was trying to be better, he just had to find a way to make 2D understand why.


	2. 2D

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2D notices.

How in the universe  
Through the lithium  
Busted and blue  
...

2D noticed.

He noticed the little changes. At first he noticed how Murdoc had stopped looking at him so disdainfully. He noticed the burning feeling at the back of his skull, the feeling that someone was staring at you when they thought you weren’t paying attention. He noticed how Murdoc didn’t hit him anymore. It was oddly sudden, how much kinder he had become in the past few weeks of living in their new home. He greeted all of the band members warmly, and frequently sat on the couch with them as they watched the television or talked about music.

And then he just... stopped.

2D wasn’t quite sure why. He thought maybe it had been unintentional, that Murdoc was just warming up to this new house and it was making him nicer, somehow - but he hadn’t been drinking much, either. He was sober much more lately, more social and kind as well. But then he just retreated to his room one day and hadn’t come out since except to eat or piss.

2D assumed that maybe Murdoc was having withdrawal symptoms of some sort. Maybe he was going into his room to drink alone, as he used to do so frequently. But there were no sounds of smashing glass bottles, or shouting to no one in particular. It was just... deathly quiet.

2D wouldn’t dare to disturb Murdoc, he knew the consequences of that kind of action, and he also knew that they would be multiplied tenfold if Murdoc had indeed been drinking again or getting high off his ass. But after three days of hearing almost nothing from the bassist, 2D decided that if Noodle and Russ weren’t going to do anything about it, he would have to.

2D knocked on the door, expecting to hear a shout or insult. To his surprise and concern, not a sound came from the other side of the door. Nervously, he nudged the door ajar.

Murdoc sat on his bed, surrounded by crumpled up papers. He stared half-lidded at 2D, as if he saw him but couldn’t quite focus on his face. No alcohol to be seen.

“Murdoc... are you ok?” 2D asked tentatively. As he spoke the words he noticed Murdoc’s expression become more focused, and realized that he looked much... nicer. He was wearing a clean shirt, his hair looked less greasy, and the bags under his eyes that normally made him appear as though someone had sprayed chemicals in his face were practically nonexistent. He looked as though he’d actually been sleeping... and not drinking.

“You’re looking better, Muds.” The words slipped out before 2D had a chance to stop himself, and the moment they did he saw Murdoc’s face take on a look of shock; then almost as suddenly, a grimace overtook his features.

“Get out, Face-ache.” Murdoc half-shouted. It was more of a grumble really, but 2D got the message. He said sorry and closed the door, leaning against it and sighing to himself. Why had he even tried?

He brushed the thought of Murdoc purposefully trying to better himself out of his mind. It MUST have been unintentional, or he would have said something. Right?

After 10 minutes of standing outside the bassist’s door, 2D decided it was best to just leave it. Murdoc was probably just shutting himself off to write lyrics or something. He’d show them to the rest of the group when he was ready. But as the blue-haired singer took a step away from the door, he heard a familiar voice mumble, “2D?”

The door opened, and there was Murdoc. Again, it was impossible not to notice how much healthier he looked, despite having been locked away in a room for nearly half a week. He’d filled out, 2D noticed, and the whites of his eyes were actually white again instead of the red tinge they tended to have when he was drunk or high. “What do ya want, Face-ache?” Murdoc grumbled, sounding oddly defeated.

“I... I was just checkin’ up on you. You haven’t really been around the house much lately, and I thought you was... I dunno, dead or somethin’-” 2D babbled, feeling his face turn red. That wasn’t really why he had knocked on the bassist’s door. It was a part of it, but really, and though it was hard to admit, 2D had missed hearing his voice.

“I’m fine. Just, uh... writin’ lyrics n shit.” Murdoc replied flippantly, scratching the back of his head. Of course that was what he was doing, 2D thought, mentally slapping himself.

“Can I see?” 2D asked tentatively.

“Nah. ‘S not finished yet.” Murdoc said in a voice that sounded mildly defensive. He wasn’t usually so protective of his song-writing skills, so what was different about the lyrics he was working on now? 2D ignored the thought.

“A’right... just, y’know, wanted to make sure you hadn’t died yet or somethin’.” 2D mumbled, when all of a sudden, Murdoc grabbed his hand.

“2D.” Murdoc said seriously. The use of his nickname made the singer shudder slightly. Even though it was given to him by Murdoc himself, it was usually traded out for names like “Face-ache” and “Dullard.” Hearing him actually use it after what felt like ages was a bit of a shock, especially in this context.

Murdoc started to say something, but then stopped, closing his mouth and looking down as though the words had left his head before he’d gotten them out.

“What is it Muds?” 2D asked, suddenly curious. The edge of fear he had about checking in on the bassist was suddenly gone, replaced by mild concern. Was he doing okay? What was going on? Why hadn’t he left his room? Why was he being so nice?

Murdoc’s hand dropped back to his side. He chuckled softly, almost nervously, and said, “It’s nothing. I just... nevermind.” 2D looked at him with a puzzled expression, but didn’t push further.

“A’right, Muds. Just... come out of your room soon, okay? Noodle misses you.” 2D knew it was a blatant lie, but Murdoc didn’t seem to notice, and if he did, he didn’t care. He muttered a simple “uh-huh” and shut the door on the singer.

2D sighed and walked in the direction of the kitchen, leaving Murdoc’s room with more questions than answers.


	3. Murdoc

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a week of ignoring 2D, Murdoc starts to notice how his upbeat mood is changing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this ones a bit of a doozy, at least to me. ;")

Murdoc had been ignoring 2D for a week.

After the blue-haired singer had came to visit him in person to tell him to get out of his room, Murdoc had obliged. But he hadn’t said more than a couple of words to him since.

Thinking of all of the things that could have slipped past his lips that day was building up a feeling inside of him, a strange churning in his gut that made him want to be sick. There was so much to say to 2D, but he couldn’t get it out in time. And now he couldn’t even gather the confidence to look in his general direction.

The band would go places, record songs, hang out with the new album’s collaborators. But Murdoc found that he and 2D were seeing each other less and less every day. On the rare occasion that he did see the singer, he looked... sad. Murdoc would steal glances at him, when he was sure he wasn’t looking, and he always seemed lost in thought, melancholy, even.

The quality of 2D’s singing had decreased as well, Murdoc noticed. It was a barely-there change, but years of recording music with the blue-haired boy had honed his intuition. 2D wasn’t all there. Some days they would have to re-record his lyrics several times before he was happy with it. He seemed self-conscious, and often slouched or sat with his knees up to his chest, arms wrapped around himself, as though he was acutely aware of how much space he took up.

And then, one day in the studio, 2D snapped.

“All my life  
All my life  
Be my light  
On me, I am a satellite  
And I can't get back without you”

With each line, Murdoc could see some aspect of the singer’s expression change, as though he was wearing a facade which was breaking apart by the second. As he sang the lyrics, some of the most moving in the album, Murdoc heard the tiny change as his voice began to quiver. The recording came out quite beautiful regardless, but the bassist could see clearly that 2D was near tears.

Finally, they called it a day, and 2D walked out of the recording room without a word, hands shaking.

“Should I go talk to him?” Noodle asked, tapping Murdoc lightly on the shoulder.

“No... no, I’ll do it.” The bassist replied, voice betraying his genuine concern.

“Are... are you sure? You two don’t always get along...” Noodle knew that Murdoc and 2D’s relationship was rocky, to say the least, and he appreciated her input, but right now he felt he had to fix this himself. He felt he was responsible, somehow, for the way the singer was acting, and the guilt was crippling.

“Thanks Noodle, but I’ve got it.” Murdoc replied swiftly, practically speed-walking out of the recording room.

It took a minute to find 2D, but once he did it was clear to him that he was not happy. He found him curled up in something akin to a fetal position, leaning against the wall of the hallway. Murdoc almost immediately heard the faint sound of the singer’s hiccuping sobs, and noticed that his shoulders racked with every sound. He walked over to him, slowly, and kneeled down to meet his eyes.

2D looked up at him, eyelids red as though he’d been rubbing them. Seeing him so upset gave Murdoc that familiar sick feeling in his stomach. He pushed it down, choosing to ask an obvious question instead.

“Hey, 2D... are you okay?” He knew it was a silly thing to ask, and he was right, for it was only returned by the singer curling further in on himself with a strangled cry. He knew he’d have to ask something that was... less of a yes-or-no question.

“What’s wrong?” Murdoc finally asked, voice soft.

“F-fuckin’... everyfink, I guess.” 2D muttered through his tears. Not a very specific answer, but an answer nonetheless.

“No, really. What’s wrong?” Murdoc asked again, slightly more stern this time.

“Y-you!” The singer finally choked out. Murdoc was somewhat taken aback, but he couldn’t just leave it. Something was seriously wrong, and he needed to fix it before everything went to shit.

“What do you mean, Dents?”

“I, I just...” 2D began, stopping mid-sentence to breathe. “I just don’t understand... all this. You go out of your way to try and be nice to me, and then you just shut yourself off and act like I don’t exist? Why were you being so nice?” 2D was near yelling, black eyes spilling over like a waterfall. Murdoc felt his gut twist again.

“What do you mean? I just wanted to be nice!!” Murdoc cried, then took a breath. He had to take this slow. “I just... I wanted to do better. For the band. For... you.”

2D stared at him for what felt like an eternity. He felt his skin crawl with anxiety. What had he just admitted to?

Finally, a soft whimper escaped the singer’s lips. “For me?”

Murdoc had to stifle a laugh. “Of course for you, Dullard.” He muttered, lips twitching in the beginning of a smile. “I’ve just been such an ass to you, to everyone, but you especially. I wanted to... I dunno, make it right.” He scratched at the back of his neck, chuckling nervously to himself. “I guess I really fucked it up, didn’t I.”

“No you didn’t.”

“What?”

“You were doing fine. You just... shoulda told me, okay? I coulda tried to... help, or somefink.” 2D said, now staring back at Murdoc with a determined expression.

“I...” Murdoc started. “I just want to be better, 2D. Just... tell me what I have to do.”

At this, 2D started to smile. Tears began to fall again, and suddenly his grin practically reached his ears. Murdoc had to admit, the singer had an adorable smile.

“Aw Dents, what is it now?” The bassist asked, half-smirking.

“I just... I didn’t fink you cared about me that much, Muds.” 2D admitted shyly. Murdoc stared back at him, surprised.

“What? Of course I care about ya, you dullard.” Murdoc replied. Without a second thought, he reached his arms out and snaked them around the taller man, who had seemingly shrunk in size. He looked so small curled up like that. Murdoc felt his face turning red and turned to sit next to the singer in a sort of side-hug, hoping he wouldn’t notice the blush growing on his cheeks. If he did, he didn’t comment.

Almost everyone had left the studio by the time Murdoc and 2D left the hallway, and they walked to the car in silence. Murdoc’s arm was still slung over the singer’s shoulder, and he felt like he would never let go. He looked up, noticing 2D’s faint smile, and took it as a quiet agreement.

Murdoc hummed to himself all the way home.


End file.
